Family Dynamics

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. We spent much of the 2 hours talking about our own kids, comparing notes of the school related drama of our little perfectionists, but then the conversation turned to the topic of surrogate parenting. It seems that both of us have acquired children this summer that we really don't want. Hers is a friend of her daughter's and mine is my neighbor's daughter. At first, with, my neighbor's kid, I was sympathetic, but as the summer has progressed, I have to say, I'm annoyed. My neighbors work and their kids are home with their grandmother during the day. They are great people with great kids. There is no reason for their daughter to come to me with every little bump, scrape, scratch, bruise, dispute or any other such children's triviality. Yet she does. I finally have stopped letting her come in my house. It sounds heartless, but I have to ask, is it heartless to encourage a child to be close to her own family? It's not like she's neglected or unloved. What else can I do?

My friend's situation is slightly different. Her daughter's friend moved to the area in January and the daughter is one of her only friends. She has claimed that kids have started an I Hate _____ club at school, she says her parents have no money and they have to move, yet she's participating in a ton of activities over the summer. There are many inconsistencies. My friend only has one child so this girl has many opportunities. She's not over-indulged or spoiled. She's a wonderful little girl with a very big heart. I think her friend is playing on her sympathy and manipulating her a little bit. She's making her family out to be monsters who can't afford to do anything, but they're putting a deck on their house. It makes no sense. After 3 consecutive weekend sleepovers, my friend finally told her daughter that if her friend wanted her to go to their house and sleepover, she could, but they were taking a break. This decision came after my friend was a little late picking up her daughter at knitting class. The friend was also there, not having been picked up either, but showing no interest in contacting her own family, though my friend's kid has a cell phone. It all seemed an orchestrated effort to get an invite to their house. Enough was enough.

So when do you let a child into your life and home? Neither of the kids I am writing about come from homes where they are neglected. They're clean, well fed, loved, indulged. What makes a kid want another family instead of their own? I know when I was young, I spent a ton of time at my friend's house across the street. There were 6 girls, as opposed to my houseful of boys. My parent's were divorced, theirs were dead and they lived with their stepmother. I didn't need their parents, I just wanted to play with their Barbies and braid hair, sing the soundtrack of Grease and do other girly things that I didn't get to do at home. My time at home was spent drawing, reading and doing other solitary activities. My time at my friend's was a diversion. Did I make up stories about my family's woes? Did I manipulate invitations? Somehow I doubt it. I remember one or another of my brothers coming to retrieve me very frequently. Is this a normal childhood process, testing out other families? I'm at a loss.

My friend rented out part of a theatre on Tuesday for a Harry Potter party. (I may want to live with her, actually. She's way more fun than I am.) She's having butter beer, pumpkin juice, and other Harry Potter treats. My son is very excited. I will have to stay home with the 5 year old. He's too young for Harry Potter movies. I think the Harry Potter books are great. I see kids with them all over the place all summer long. It's great to see kids excited for a book as opposed to a movie or video game release. What will they read next summer? Maybe JK Rowling will start another book series.