Did you ever had a dream that really got to you? I had one last night and it has left me very grumpy all day. I dreamed that my husband left me. He just up and left with no explanation. This has made me mad at him all day and what makes it worse is that he isn't even home to defend his dream behavior. He's out of town until tomorrow night. Because he isn't here to tell me that it was just a dream, he loves me and would never leave me, I'm being silly, etc, etc, I have been bitter all day. Therefore, in an effort to get all this bad karma out of my system, I am going to dedicate this blog post to complaining about my husband, saying all the things that I wish I could say to him but I can't because everything is a part of who he is and I've known about all of it for 13 years.
1. He leaves ties everywhere. There's one in front of me right now on the computer desk. There are 4 on a cabinet in the living room. I just put away 15 that were sitting on top of his dresser. We spent a good 3 hours a couple months ago organizing his ties so that it would be easier for him to find something to wear in the morning (and find less of a need to wake me for help). The system didn't hold and I'm still being awakened at 5:00 for tie advice. I hate ties.
2. Pocket emptying. He empties his pockets but never throws the crap away. This also applies to the little paper tabs on his shirts from the cleaners. He will throw everything on top of his dresser and never sort it out. There are metro tickets, receipts, little notes he's written for himself, phone messages from work, movie tickets, programs from school events. All up there for months on end until he gets around to dealing with them. There are times that they are falling off the dresser and he will pick them up and put them back on top, NOT THROW THEM AWAY!!! How is this possible?
3. Car care products are multiplying in my laundry room. I have moved them to the shed only to have them get moved back to the laundry room. Evidently, the shed is too hot and humid and the waxes, etc will go bad. As if I care. I really wish they would go bad so I could throw them away. We have a lovely storage room in the basement with shelves and everything and I've been assured they will be put away down there. Of course they will. By me. I think the drive- through car wash at the gas station does a fine job washing and waxing the car. I see no need to have all this car stuff. Unbelievable! I just noticed there are two car polishing clothes on top of the computer desk!
4. Shoes. He owns every kind of shoe known to man and none of them ever get put away. Shocking, I know. This applies to clothing, as well. My family is coming to visit and he has clothes on the bed in the extra bedroom. I put everything else of his in there away. I asked him last week to put his clothes away. Still there.
5. Damp, dirty towels are never hung up to dry. They're heaped on the floor where they stay wet and get smelly.
Okay. I think I'm better now. I could probably go on, but I don't think I would feel better doing that. This seems like one of those exercises that is better if limited. There's a fine line between venting and getting things off your chest and building up animosity. My husband is a wonderful man. I know my dream was utterly ridiculous. Tonight will be a better night. And I do have to wonder, what would he say about me????
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
School Disenchantment
In the fall, my kids will both be in school. This is both happy and sad. It means they're growing up, and therefore, means a little more freedom for me. But in the past two years since a new principal has been placed in the school, things have gone downhill. Scores are dropping, behavior is deteriorating and the teachers are unhappy. Ten of the best teachers in the school are leaving, which leaves this principal desperate to fill many vacancies. Truthfully, I'm nervous. In my opinion, she needs to leave. She has removed every improvement the school has achieved. I truly don't see how the ground that has been lost can be made up any time soon. So what do we, as parents, do? I know I will have to be a lot closer to my kids' classrooms next year, being more aware of the kids who are disruptive of the class and firmly insist that discipline be escalated. One child in my oldest boys class this year couldn't even sit in a group with the other kids. His desk was next to his teacher. One day in Art, he splashed paint on my son's shirt. We were told to inform the administration. We did. I followed up to ask if the issue had been addressed. I was assured it had been but I was not privy to the details. Hmmm... The child wasn't even asked to apologize. How is that right?
I volunteered in another teacher's math class. Each week I saw the same kids with the same behavior; throwing things, breaking pencils, having verbal outbursts, yet there they were, week after week. Notes and calls went home but no change was seen. In my mind, these kids are suffering and deserve better than they are being given by the school. Why weren't the roots of the problems identified so they could be addressed by the right people? Granted, I'm speaking of kids other than my own, so I have no way of knowing details of their lives. I can only guess that these kids who were so angry, rarely wore clean clothes and didn't have basic school supplies, had some problems at home. Where is the duty we have to these kids, all the kids, to ensure they are receiving the best education they can get?
I guess as I see it, it's my job to advocate for as many kids as I can, troubled and happy. In the coming school year, as I said, I plan to be a lot closer to the classrooms and establish a close relationship with the teachers. I don't think teachers feel like parents have their best interest in mind. We blame them for everything that goes wrong with our kids, but how often do we praise them for all they do right? The closer we are, the more comfortable our teachers will be in talking to us and getting us involved in the issues that are plaguing the school. When we know the issues, it is then that we can challenge the administration to take the appropriate steps to support the teachers and the kids.
It never occured to me that sending my kids to school would involve so much work on my part. Homework is one thing. It's easy to check a math worksheet and quiz a kid on an upcoming test. Challenging principals who are doing nothing to support anyone in their buildings, except themselves is work. I believe I'm up for it.
I volunteered in another teacher's math class. Each week I saw the same kids with the same behavior; throwing things, breaking pencils, having verbal outbursts, yet there they were, week after week. Notes and calls went home but no change was seen. In my mind, these kids are suffering and deserve better than they are being given by the school. Why weren't the roots of the problems identified so they could be addressed by the right people? Granted, I'm speaking of kids other than my own, so I have no way of knowing details of their lives. I can only guess that these kids who were so angry, rarely wore clean clothes and didn't have basic school supplies, had some problems at home. Where is the duty we have to these kids, all the kids, to ensure they are receiving the best education they can get?
I guess as I see it, it's my job to advocate for as many kids as I can, troubled and happy. In the coming school year, as I said, I plan to be a lot closer to the classrooms and establish a close relationship with the teachers. I don't think teachers feel like parents have their best interest in mind. We blame them for everything that goes wrong with our kids, but how often do we praise them for all they do right? The closer we are, the more comfortable our teachers will be in talking to us and getting us involved in the issues that are plaguing the school. When we know the issues, it is then that we can challenge the administration to take the appropriate steps to support the teachers and the kids.
It never occured to me that sending my kids to school would involve so much work on my part. Homework is one thing. It's easy to check a math worksheet and quiz a kid on an upcoming test. Challenging principals who are doing nothing to support anyone in their buildings, except themselves is work. I believe I'm up for it.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Date Night
It's date night! I got my husband tickets to Phantom of the Opera, his favorite musical and tonights the night. I am wearing off white slacks with a sleeveless black faux wrap top. Date night is a big deal in our house and requires much primping. I won't have time to get an actual pedicure, but I will have to touch up my own little toes. I'm not sure what to do with my hair. It's summer and my curls tend to go quite wild. I'll try to pin it up in a carefree, flirty style, instead of my usual sloppy ponytail. I plan on wearing sandals which will limit my ability to walk very far. I may even carry a beaded bag. Of course the house needs to be cleaned for the babysitter. She's a wonderful young woman, but she is very chatty and I know she'll reveal my shoddy housekeeping to her mom. I'd like to put up a good front.
The first show my husband and I saw together was Show Boat. We saw it in New York in 1995. I couldn't tell you what theatre and I couldn't tell you who was in it. The music was excellent, but the company was better. We had only been seeing each other seriously for 2 months and he had to go to NY on business. He invited me along and even bought my ticket. I have never been very adventurous so the prospect of flying to NY on my own was a little intimidating. I was nervous about going to the wrong hotel. I was nervous about going to the wrong room. I was a mess. Of course, I made it to NY and the hotel without any issues and managed to make several more trips to NY and other places. I even took our older son with me to NY once when he was 3. We went on the train. He was enchanted by all the lights in Time Square and loved FAO Schwartz. He loved the hotel and made himself a fort between the bed and the wall. He got to watch forbidden television and eat room service. The train was not so enchanting. He had a major fit on the way home. The kind of fit that leaves you near tears. We haven't taken kids with us since. We'll have to work on that.
Our Fourth of July barbecue (family only) was almost rained out. But we are fearless, serious cookers. With the rain coming down and rumbles of thunder, we managed to get our food cooked to perfection. The marinated skewers of chicken and beef were amazing. We also had some grilled squash, tomato, onion and red pepper which we drizzled in olive oil and then sprinked with salt and pepper. We may have to have a repeat performance next week when my sister and brother are in town.
Off to swim practice. It's a dreary, humid morning. It's supposed to rain off and on all day and then we're supposed to have scattered thunder storms tonight. But I'll still be sitting in the Kennedy Center with my honey, reliving the early days of our love. :)
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Happy July 4th!
My brothers, sister and I have been discussing whether or not our mother needs to be in assisted living. Our mother is 70, is disabled from a fall she took two years ago, has lupus and has something called normal pressure hydrocephalus. I believe she would be much better off in assisted living, where there would be someone there to keep an eye on her. I believe my sister agrees with me. A couple of my brothers think she should be in subsidized senior housing, and the other two are dealing with their own lives right now and have been very supportive, but not overly involved. (This is not criticism. I understand where my brothers are right now and I want them to take care of themselves.)
My mother, of course, wants to stay independent but she is inconsistent in her ability to care for herself. She was sick in December of 06 and didn't go to the doctor until I made her an appointment and drove her there. Then she said she knew she couldn't drive herself but didn't want to ask me because she knows I don't like to take her to the doctor. She's absolutely right. I hate taking her to the doctor, but in a critical situation, of course I would. So what do we do about this very big mess? We can't force her to do anything, but her apartment complex is under new management and there are renovations planned and she may need to move anyway. I don't think it makes sense for her to move to another unit when, realistically, she's just one episode away from assisted living anyway. I think subsidized senior housing is not the answer. My mother has some money, not an endless supply, but enough for her to maintain her current standard of living for the next 5-7 years. I'm in a "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" mindset when it comes to the money. She also is used to living in relatively affluent surroundings. I don't see her going from her current apartment complex where she can sit outside with her dog and putter in her planter garden, to areas where robberies are a regular Saturday night event. I believe that she deserves to maintain some dignity. She has lost a lot in the last few years. I guess I feel it is our job keep her safe, physically and emotionally and not just let our concern for her financial state dictate our decisions.
Because I am geographically closest to my mother, I have been making many phone calls on her behalf, getting her on waiting lists for aid, as well as arranging assessments with the county so we can get an objective view of her current physical and emotional state. I have arranged tours of assisted living facilities for next week when my sister and one brother come into town. I am no saint. I do realize that everyone does what they can to help. Our mother is a difficult person. She can be unkind, manipulative and she often changes her stories to suit her audience. I understand if my siblings can only call her once a month. I don't begrudge them that. I will draw the line, however, at being given recommendations for things I should be doing by people who are capable of doing those things themselves.
So how do we manage this difficult process as a family without huge wedges being driven between us? I spent 40 minutes on the phone this morning with one brother. During the conversation he repeatedly told me he doesn't see the point in our other brother coming to visit next week because he won't provide and useful input and he's only doing it so he doesn't feel guilty. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, "I don't see that you've done anything, either." I didn't say anything because there's no point. I'm trying to look at this as an issue with our mother. It's about her, not about who's done the most, is capable of doing more, etc. If I feel like my advocating for my mother gets in the way of the rest of my life, I'll tell my sister and take a break. In the meantime, I'll do what I can and try not to get too annoyed with the rest of the family.
My mother, of course, wants to stay independent but she is inconsistent in her ability to care for herself. She was sick in December of 06 and didn't go to the doctor until I made her an appointment and drove her there. Then she said she knew she couldn't drive herself but didn't want to ask me because she knows I don't like to take her to the doctor. She's absolutely right. I hate taking her to the doctor, but in a critical situation, of course I would. So what do we do about this very big mess? We can't force her to do anything, but her apartment complex is under new management and there are renovations planned and she may need to move anyway. I don't think it makes sense for her to move to another unit when, realistically, she's just one episode away from assisted living anyway. I think subsidized senior housing is not the answer. My mother has some money, not an endless supply, but enough for her to maintain her current standard of living for the next 5-7 years. I'm in a "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" mindset when it comes to the money. She also is used to living in relatively affluent surroundings. I don't see her going from her current apartment complex where she can sit outside with her dog and putter in her planter garden, to areas where robberies are a regular Saturday night event. I believe that she deserves to maintain some dignity. She has lost a lot in the last few years. I guess I feel it is our job keep her safe, physically and emotionally and not just let our concern for her financial state dictate our decisions.
Because I am geographically closest to my mother, I have been making many phone calls on her behalf, getting her on waiting lists for aid, as well as arranging assessments with the county so we can get an objective view of her current physical and emotional state. I have arranged tours of assisted living facilities for next week when my sister and one brother come into town. I am no saint. I do realize that everyone does what they can to help. Our mother is a difficult person. She can be unkind, manipulative and she often changes her stories to suit her audience. I understand if my siblings can only call her once a month. I don't begrudge them that. I will draw the line, however, at being given recommendations for things I should be doing by people who are capable of doing those things themselves.
So how do we manage this difficult process as a family without huge wedges being driven between us? I spent 40 minutes on the phone this morning with one brother. During the conversation he repeatedly told me he doesn't see the point in our other brother coming to visit next week because he won't provide and useful input and he's only doing it so he doesn't feel guilty. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, "I don't see that you've done anything, either." I didn't say anything because there's no point. I'm trying to look at this as an issue with our mother. It's about her, not about who's done the most, is capable of doing more, etc. If I feel like my advocating for my mother gets in the way of the rest of my life, I'll tell my sister and take a break. In the meantime, I'll do what I can and try not to get too annoyed with the rest of the family.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Is anyone out there?
How do you know if anyone (besides you) is reading your blog?
The dog has taken to attacking his food bowl so that his little kibbles slide around the kitchen. It's very funny but I'd like to know why he does it. None of my assorted google searches for dog, food, bowl, spill or attack have yielded any results. I will continue to enjoy the entertainment value. My son thinks we should put it on Youtube.
I'm continuing to plod through "The Emperor's Children" by Claire Messud. I'm no closer to enjoying it then I was when I mentioned it last week. I'm about half way through and I don't know that I'll finish it. I no longer care who Murray Thwaite sleeps with. I want to get his nephew anti-depressants and I want to tell his daughter that no one in their right mind will read a book about children's clothing. I've got "The Charterhouse of Parma" by Stendahl lined up for my next read. It's a "coming of age" tale of a young Italian guy. It was written in 1839. I had no idea. I really must choose my books for good reasons. I liked the picture on the cover. Just so you know, I'll skip the introduction by the Harvard PhD. I'd never survive in a book club. I'm too shallow.
Starving children need me.
The dog has taken to attacking his food bowl so that his little kibbles slide around the kitchen. It's very funny but I'd like to know why he does it. None of my assorted google searches for dog, food, bowl, spill or attack have yielded any results. I will continue to enjoy the entertainment value. My son thinks we should put it on Youtube.
I'm continuing to plod through "The Emperor's Children" by Claire Messud. I'm no closer to enjoying it then I was when I mentioned it last week. I'm about half way through and I don't know that I'll finish it. I no longer care who Murray Thwaite sleeps with. I want to get his nephew anti-depressants and I want to tell his daughter that no one in their right mind will read a book about children's clothing. I've got "The Charterhouse of Parma" by Stendahl lined up for my next read. It's a "coming of age" tale of a young Italian guy. It was written in 1839. I had no idea. I really must choose my books for good reasons. I liked the picture on the cover. Just so you know, I'll skip the introduction by the Harvard PhD. I'd never survive in a book club. I'm too shallow.
Starving children need me.
Paper or Pottery?
I've found myself running the dishwasher daily, as opposed to every other day during the majority of the year. This leaves me wondering if I should switch to paper for the summer. Paper is recyclable, no detergents polluting the Cheasapeake Bay, energy use is cut saving us some money. But paper plates have to be manufactured and transported to stores, are expensive, and we are inconsistent in recycling. I've been trying to reduce my use of the dryer by using drying racks on the patio. I spent $30 on two racks. It takes up to 2 and a half hours to dry a load of clothes vs. 40 minutes in my dryer. I had to save one load from rain last week. I want to be more green. I want to do my part to protect the environment. But realistically, I was raised in the age of convenience and old habits die hard. I wonder if I washed the dishes by hand and then used the dishwasher as a drying rack, if that would be better for the environment. I'm sure there's a website out there that will answer that question.
Now for my politics of the week. Scooter Libby's jail time was eliminated yesterday. His sentence was commuted to probation by President Bush. This is unfair and clearly a political act, but anyone who's surprised is a moron. Wait until January 2009 when Bush is getting ready to pack up the White House and he gives Libby a pardon. The full cycle of injustice will be complete. I liked what Dick Durbin (D-IL) said, "Even Paris Hilton had to go to jail." Maybe the president will pardon her, too!
The dog goes to the vet this morning for another puppy check up. I think he gets shots. He's quite the wild animal these days. He attacks his little toys and his little boys. He has been dragging shoes across the house, some as big as he is. He loves being outside and will RUN home after I tell him we're going there. The best thing is, he went to the door 3 times yesterday to let us know he wanted to go outside. He has had a couple jail breaks from his kennel. He broke out on Sunday while we were downtown but we didn't see any signs of an accident. I hope this good fortune continues.
We're off to the local picking farm to get berries after we return from the vet. I have no idea what they have. I'm hoping for raspberries. If they have some, I'm going to make scones for breakfast tomorrow. Maybe I'll get raspberries and blueberries and make red, white and blue scones. In a few more weeks, we'll have tomatoes here. It looks like there's quite an abundant crop in my two planters on the patio.
Monday, July 2, 2007
July
It's already July! Wow! I wonder how that happened so fast. I guess the kids not getting out of school until June 20th may have had something to do with the way it feels this summer is flying by.
We went to the Smithsonian Folklife Festival on Sunday. This is an annual celebration of cultures held on the capital mall in Washington DC. This year it was Ireland, the Mekong Valley and Virginia. The weather was amazing. Clear and sunny and not too hot. I forgot sunscreen but I didn't burn. My five year old got to talk to a motorcycle racer from Ireland. My ten year old got to wander away (within one booth range) and check things out on his own. I was validated as a quilter by a lovely woman from Hampton, VA, and my husband got to watch us all having fun. I actually wouldn't mind going back this weekend. We have the second side of booths to see.
The season finally of Charm School was last night. I was very happy to see the young woman who was my favorite win. Her name is Saphyri and according to her brief bio on the VH1 website, she was raised by her father until he died sometime in her teen years. It sounds like she has relied on others to keep a roof over her head, and those she choose for help weren't the best people to choose. I hope she can use her winnings to get herself a nice place to live so she can find some stability for herself. Poor girl. I have to say, we were in tears last night listening to the women give their speeches. They were eloquent, heartfelt and sincere. We started watching the show as mindless entertainment (there is no other kind for me), but I became very interested in seeing just how commited some of the women were to improving themselves. There were some sad stories in the group, Saphyri, Leilene, Darra (sometimes). I commend Mo'Nique for helping them out.
The dog has learned how to break out of the kennel by pushing one of the latches with his nose and paw. He also went to the door and whimpered twice to go out. He's a genius. We're so proud.
We went to the Smithsonian Folklife Festival on Sunday. This is an annual celebration of cultures held on the capital mall in Washington DC. This year it was Ireland, the Mekong Valley and Virginia. The weather was amazing. Clear and sunny and not too hot. I forgot sunscreen but I didn't burn. My five year old got to talk to a motorcycle racer from Ireland. My ten year old got to wander away (within one booth range) and check things out on his own. I was validated as a quilter by a lovely woman from Hampton, VA, and my husband got to watch us all having fun. I actually wouldn't mind going back this weekend. We have the second side of booths to see.
The season finally of Charm School was last night. I was very happy to see the young woman who was my favorite win. Her name is Saphyri and according to her brief bio on the VH1 website, she was raised by her father until he died sometime in her teen years. It sounds like she has relied on others to keep a roof over her head, and those she choose for help weren't the best people to choose. I hope she can use her winnings to get herself a nice place to live so she can find some stability for herself. Poor girl. I have to say, we were in tears last night listening to the women give their speeches. They were eloquent, heartfelt and sincere. We started watching the show as mindless entertainment (there is no other kind for me), but I became very interested in seeing just how commited some of the women were to improving themselves. There were some sad stories in the group, Saphyri, Leilene, Darra (sometimes). I commend Mo'Nique for helping them out.
The dog has learned how to break out of the kennel by pushing one of the latches with his nose and paw. He also went to the door and whimpered twice to go out. He's a genius. We're so proud.
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