Dog days of Summer

WARNING! THIS POST CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT SOME READERS MAY FIND OFFENSIVE (UNLESS YOU ARE A BOY UNDER THE AGE OF 12 or Mike Rowe from "Dirty Jobs").

The offensive material I am speaking of is dog poop. Lately, I've been feeling inundated by it. We don't have a closed in yard so when the dog needs to go out, we have to walk him. This means that when he poops, we pick it up. I'm naturally repulsed by this. I hold my breath as I scoop it up into whatever plastic bag I have conjured up for my mission. (I am not going to attempt to catch the poop in the bag as I hold it strategically near the dog's but as my ten year old does.) I clutch the bag between my fingertips as I walk back to my house. I fight with the dog to make it the last few steps from the front door to the garbage can so I can throw the offending load away. I get in the house and to the closest sink as quickly as possible to wash my hands. I use highly aromatic soap to help remove the memory of any lingering odors from my nose. I glare at the dog, who is at my feet, chewing on the drawstrings of my pants, like a fish on a line, gentle tug after gentle tug. With a sigh, I retire to the kitchen table to my coffee and paper and try to wipe the whole unpleasant experience from my memory.

As a new pet owner, I have concerns about some matters of pet etiquette. I worry about my neighbors. My dog often poops or pees in the yards of my neighbors. I always clean up the poop but I feel guilty that he has committed this unclean act on someone else's property. Is there some sort of etiquette rule about this? Should I bake them a cake or cookies at Christmas as a way of thanking them for allowing us to use their yard in this manner? And what if a neighbor is offended, even when I clean up after the dog? I have fears of someone storming out of their house as my dog is in mid-poop, yelling obscenities, waving steak knives. Has this ever happened to anyone?

I also feel badly for the garbage men. Our garbage is now laced throughout with tiny bags of doggy doo. How do I apologize for this? Is poop any more offensive to the average garbage collector than any other stinky deposit in the can? I know that many farmers recycle their cow poo. Can I put dog poop in the compost pile? Egads! This would involve removing the poop from the bag. I don't know that I can do that without puking!

Then there's my guilt for using plastic bags to pick up the poop. I am stricken with guilt for what my increased use of plastic is doing to the environment. I thought Target would sell biodegradeable dog waste bags, but they didn't. I forgot to check at the pet store when we stopped in last week to get nail clippers. I know the bags are plentiful on the internet, so at least this area of guilt is short lived.

The trials of pet ownership. Who knew there would be so much drama?